Azaleas at the Huntington Botanical Garden. A peaceful picture to show the undercurrent of anger that used to rule my life. Day 16 of the New Year. I've been walking to the coffee shop pretty much every day now thinking of what to write every day. I get some fresh air and some exercise, so win-win. I think, much like I always do and usually I can think of something to write. Not so much today. I have been thinking of how my intelligence has been stunted by my strokes. People tell me that a stroke does not affect overall intelligence but I find that it does. I cannot recall and access the information quickly or at all. That has got to affect intelligence, right? I used to be very smart, I have read all sort of books and could recall all manner of odd or esoteric information. Now, not so much. The problem is that I was lazy smart. I never really applied myself and because of that I have wasted that part of my life that was, I guess formative in my life.
My strokes have done something good for me. I do not get that angry any more. I used to have a great anger problem, and my mother talked to me about it one day toward the end of my shop. I have always known I have had a problem but that crystallized it. It didn't end it right then and there but I recognized the problem. I find that when I had my first stroke several years later, that I just don't get that angry any more. Well that is a lie. I do get angry at the a-holes that speed up to pass me but then end up going slower than me once they get in my lane. Yea gods, it is infuriating. Hehe. I get upset and sad; my empathy has gone through the roof but I rarely get angry anymore. One thing about that time was that I am glad that I was not hurt anybody. I learned from a young age that I was strong and could easily hurt people. It got more evident as I got older and learned a variety of martial arts. At least I had the self control not to strike anyone, that no one got me so blindingly angry to make me attack them. There just isn't time for it any more as I have hit the middle of my years. There is so much more that I want to do and not that much time left...
My strokes have done something good for me. I do not get that angry any more. I used to have a great anger problem, and my mother talked to me about it one day toward the end of my shop. I have always known I have had a problem but that crystallized it. It didn't end it right then and there but I recognized the problem. I find that when I had my first stroke several years later, that I just don't get that angry any more. Well that is a lie. I do get angry at the a-holes that speed up to pass me but then end up going slower than me once they get in my lane. Yea gods, it is infuriating. Hehe. I get upset and sad; my empathy has gone through the roof but I rarely get angry anymore. One thing about that time was that I am glad that I was not hurt anybody. I learned from a young age that I was strong and could easily hurt people. It got more evident as I got older and learned a variety of martial arts. At least I had the self control not to strike anyone, that no one got me so blindingly angry to make me attack them. There just isn't time for it any more as I have hit the middle of my years. There is so much more that I want to do and not that much time left...
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